“I’m such a profound believer that timing is everything, I would tattoo that on my arm.” Drew Barrymore

Many people have claimed that timing is everything in life and love. I believe that timing, which is mainly a one-off event, is valuable in bringing two people together; however, time, rather than timing, is more essential in maintaining and enhancing profound love.

I was having this conversation today with a very dear friend. She asked, ‘what do you mean?’. Since then, I have been thinking long and hard through many ideas to find a way to explain what I mean. Finally one little thought struck. As I’m someone who finds solace and voice in writing, a literary metaphor, through which I’ve been able to think clearly and find understanding, if not satisfaction, and I want to share it with you. Let’s take an example of writing a novella. It’s a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel. A Novella, like any story, consists of three main sections, the exposition or opening, in which little ideas, themes, bits and pieces are set forth and introduced to each other, the development, in which these tiny ideas and motifs are explored to their fullest, expanded and woven together in greater complexity, and at last there is recapitulation, in which there is a restatement, a glorious expression of the full, rich maturity to which the tiny ideas have grown through the development process, and ends in an unforgettable climax.

How does it apply to a relationship you may ask, if you haven’t already guessed.

When you meet someone amazing, at first it’s the real thing and sheer delight. It’s the time of your relationship where you are at your best. Fun, charming, excited, interesting and interested. It’s the time when you are at your most comfortable because you don’t need to mobilize your defenses, so your partner gets to cuddle a warm human being instead of a giant cactus. But beginnings cannot be prolonged endlessly. They cannot state and restate and restate themselves. They must move with time and develop, or die of indifference.

The development time, is the most critical time. Both when you are attempting to write a book or in a relationship. For it is where you may discover that all you have, is a collection severely limited ideas that won’t work no matter how much creativity you bring into them or… miraculously you realize… you have the potential of creating something precious, something glorious, something which is beautifully promising. In which case there is work to be done, depths to be plumbed and separate entities carefully woven together, to better glorify themselves and each other. It is this time, when most relationships end, and almost always prematurely. For this is the time when your efforts count the most. This is the time, when you show that you’ll never take the other for granted. This is when you commit and re-commit to give it your best, irrespective of not knowing where the relationship will head a few months/years down the line. It is here, where you discover that the person you met in the beginning is the real deal, or just a face behind mask, which slowly slips as time goes by. This is the time you discover, that all the promises made during that first candle-light dinner were true or just vain, empty words without any follow through. When the first nebulous thoughts of the novella come in your mind, you are consumed by it, but the test of the time is , as you cross that threshold, do those thoughts still hold importance to you. When you get past your first movie date, or the first few long-drives, do you still figure high in the list of his/her priorities. If yes, chances are you’ll definitely write that book, and it may even go on to be on the bestseller shelf for years and win you a few awards too. But, if the answer is no, then my dear, that person is not for you. Understand it, and without any accusation, blame or bitterness let it go and make space for something special, something real in your life. Your time in your life is precious, sacred even. Do not squander it endlessly on a vague idea. Do not fall for the idea of someone, for ideas are dangerous things to fall in love with. Know when to hold on and when to let go.

At this juncture, it occurs to me that a chess metaphor might also be helpful. Chess is a game in which each side has its own singular objective even as it engages the other. A time comes, where there is a mid-game in which a struggle develops and intensifies and bits and pieces of each side are lost, both sides diminished, and end game in which one side traps and paralyses the other. So, It all depends on how you and your partner see life, as a chess game or a novella. I most definitely see it as a novella. Whoever you are, and wherever you are in your relationship journey, ensure you and your partner are at the same page, because if not, then in the end both the king and the queen will be lost and the book remain unfinished.

Love is not in the flowers, the chocolates, the gifts or even in the diamonds. It’s in the time that your partner chooses to spend on you.. for you. It’s not in the poetic expressions of love, the promises of the future or beautifully woven words, it’s in the actions.

For all of you.. who have someone special in your life, may they always reciprocate, reflect and realize all that you give, do and are. For all of you, who do not have that special someone yet,  I hope you find Love in spaces you never even thought of looking for, but fell into by fate. May Love find you even when you are specifically, strategically hiding from it… and stay.

Celebrate Love and have a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

Red gown : By Akanksha L Similar Here 

Watch : Daniel Wellington Here (use DWMOUMITA” for a 15% discount on all purchases on www.danielwellington.com )

 

5 Comments

  1. Moumita mam, loved reading this post. you know I met a fantastic man in October and we are in a relationship for four minths now. He has never even given me one flower. and I always wonder if he loves me. your post made me realize that he does. you know he calls me every morning when he cmes back from work (he works in night shift). in all these months he hasn’t missed calling me event for one day. I rhink I’m going to propose him on this V day. thank you so much. luv you 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. Sanjana Narula Reply

    i wish you had written this article two years back. i know exactly what you are saying. My boyfriend was a cuddly teddy in the begining. we talked till 2 am in the morning followed by 2 hours in a couple of months follwed by two days ago till a day came when we never talked. i was so cnfused. if i had read this article then, i would have known exactly when to walk away from the relationship

  3. Sonia pillay Reply

    You look so gorgeous. Very very beautiful. Red is so your colour babe❤️❤️❤️

  4. Saurav Malhotra Reply

    You are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen. Hope you don’t have a boyfriend. Can we exchange numbers?

  5. Naina saini Reply

    Hello beta, I’m a professor at Loyola and have a teenage daughter. I’m going to make her read this. She is just going through her first breakup. This will give her a perspective. You have written this so beautifully. I hope my daughter grows upto be sensible and intelligent like you. God bless you

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